Long Winding Ring Story

Chapter 3: Delivery

Christmas Eve. The last day. The days previous had felt calm and relaxed compared to this. I hurt. My joints hurt. My chest hurt. My teeth ached from clamping my jaw. I hadn't slept more than a couple hours at a stretch for a week. I was going to have a heart attack at 32.

This was it. It had to be today. I couldn't stand there empty-handed on Christmas Morning and not have anything to give my girlfriend. Not in front of her family. Not knowing I had the gift she most wanted of anything right there at hand. That would be a deep, tearing lie that destroyed what good I did have in my life.

But I also would not, could not do it in front of everyone. That was a terrifying thought. Screwing that up was guaranteed. It also didn't feel right to do it that way. It isn't fair to her, being placed on the spot like that. No chance to say no

Oh man, what if she did say no? How would that be? Could I take that? Would I feel crushed beyond repair? Worse, would I feel relieved?

Wait, am I supposed to ask her dad first? He's a pretty traditional guy? What if he said no? What then? And could he keep it to himself? Wait, no. I cant do that. She would probably not like me asking another man for permission first. Or maybe she would.

Oh hell.

All day long I followed her around. I kept looking for the right moment. Too many people. Not enough alone time. The light isn't right. She's on the phone. Her dad is talking to me. She has to run to the store. Do it in the store parking lot? Absolutely no way.

That night we were to go to a Christmas Eve party and gift exchange at her best friend's house. It takes me all of fifteen minutes to get ready. She takes a couple hours. I sit. fidgeting. Pacing. Her dad wants to discuss the news of the world. He wants to argue about it. He loves to debate. All I can hear is a Peanuts teacher-voice. I nod and try to be polite. But I cant concentrate. He is disappointed in my lack of interest.

The party was fun. At least I think it was. I am pretty sure it was. I was not quite my self. The friends I was meeting were nice people. My girl would occasionally tug me aside and whisper some of the old time gossip. I liked hearing the back story with her lips brushing my ear ever so gently. but I was outside my skin. I was operating a puppet. The puppet was charming, laughing, engaging. The puppet made all the right movements and said all the right things, while I slowly fell apart.

I drank a lot. More than I should have. And then, a bad thing happened. I have a difficult time imagining a worse event. I had eaten a large amount. I had beer and whiskey. I was trying to make a good impression on her friends. I was trying to find the right moment to make the delivery. I was ready to snap. And then I puked. Right there. On the carpet. Like a stressed dog blowing his training. And I felt that embarrassed.

I wasn't nauseous. I was a bit drunk, but not staggering. More buzzed than really drunk. The string tight tension just buzzed the alcohol away, like drinking beer on a really hot day, sweating it out before it has much of an effect. But I was full. And I was freakishly tense. Someone said something that made me laugh. Really laugh, no faking. it was as if it hit a pressure relief valve. Like popping the cap off a warm bottle of root beer. And there it came. Not a bucket. Not a gallon. Just a quick rush and there it was. Splat. A nice softball sized spatter. On the white carpet.

What do you do? What could I do? Time just halted right there. I felt myself flush scarlet red from head to toe. All I could do was start chanting "Oh my god. I am so sorry" Over and over while I searched for something with which to clean it up.

I was done for. Her boyfriend had just screwed the pooch and done one of the few things that would cause tongues to fly. I had not been so embarrassed in my life. I was white hot with humiliation. The puppet did his level best to keep up with being charming and repair the damage, while I slowly gnawed on my own self. I had no warning. I didnt feel nauseous. I barely even felt buzzed. After that I wasnt buzzed at all.

Eventually, days it seemed like, we went home.

The drive back took forever. As if we had been somehow moved to the midwest during the party without knowing it. The icy roads and naked trees seemed to wind forever. As we pulled into the driveway, I knew. This had to be it. If not in the next few minutes, then I would be forced to do it in front of everyone in the morning. And my brittle ego just could not take that.

Her father was still up when we walked in the door. He wanted to chat. And chat he did. It seemed like forever. I was exhausted. But I had to do this. I had to wait. My hand was wrapped in a tight fist around the ring in my pocket. I had to will myself into letting go of it in case someone thought I had a bad itch or was playing a pool tournament in my pocket.

Finally he said his goodnights and went up the stairs. This was it. We were alone for the first time in days.

"Oh honey I am beat. I need to go to bed."

"um hold on a second"

" Why? I am so tired"

"Uh well we haven't.. well y'know. we haven't had any time together alone for days. Just sit her for a minute."

We sat. The seconds ticked like the slow beat of a drum. Boom. Boom. Boom. I had the ring in my hand, hot and slick with sweat.

"I uh actually..well I uh...I wanted to give you your Christmas present now." I opened my hand. There it was.

She gasped. Time halted again. I really wished that would stop happening.

She slowly picked it up, not looking at me. I could hear the tears in her voice "For real? Really?"

"yes"

She started trembling, still not looking at me. I waited.

I waited.

"uh..so.."

She jumped and breathed a sharp gasp. It was her turn for the stress test, I guess. In the movies, the woman either tearfully and slowly puts the ring on the table and says "I'm sorry, but I can't" Or she leaps wildly, throwing herself on her new fiance. My sweet, beloved slowly wrapped herself around me and pulled me in like a warm blanket "Yes. Of course" and she wept.

We clung to eachother for a long long time. But I no longer minded the tricks time played on me. The anguish, the brittle pain was gone. My skin fit me again. I was whole. I was more whole that I hade ever been.

Wiping her face, she said "Wait. arent you supposed to get down on your knee?"

Crap. I had screwed that up too.