What Would You Have Done Differently?
Recently someone posed that exact question. If you got a free do-over in your life, what one thing about it would you change?
This is one of those questions that every one has a gut-level response to, but then if they are let to think about it for a few seconds it changes. Like the old bar question "MaryAnne or Ginger?"
If left to think about it, I shy away from the gut choice. I think about not being so concerned with what others think of me back in my school days. I wonder about having gotten into computing as a profession earlier on (I'd be rich now!) But the first thing that pops into my mind: losing my father when I was six. Given the choice, I would have somehow, some way managed to keep my father off that plane. I dont know how. But I would have. After thinking on that, the other choices become superficial. Honestly I dont grieve as I once did, but there is no denying the massive effect it had on my life and personality. I learned a deep, subconcious lesson at that moment that I have both embraced and fought all of my life: You cannot count on people other than yourself being "there" for you always. That's an ugly thing for a child to decide and embrace. So deep I didnt even realize it until I was in my thirties. This has caused me to keep people who love me at arms length. I have destroyed good friendships and romances that could have remained friendships because I was having trouble maintaining that distance and independence. Frequently I have withdrawn from circles of friends by finding an excuse to not like them anymore. It isnt all bad though. I also built a strong sense of independence. I take care of myself. I have for a long time. I have almost always been able to sense a scam being played on me because I hold my trust so dear.
So that is the one event I would change. but it isnt without its consequences. No choice is. it is impossible to do more than speculate wildly about how different a life would be with such a fundamental change. Would I have had my step-father enter my life? Most likely not, yet I admire and love him greatly. I wasnt an easy task for him to take on. Would I have been closer to my mother and brother? I hope so. Would I have married my wife, Paige and we had my son Max together? I cant even guess. That would be a large hole in my life, to be sure.
So it is a simple question, with no easy answer. A life is what it unfolds to be. That question does no more than offer maudlin speculation. Or does it? Knowing how that event affected me, I can act on the negative aspect of the behavior. Right?
This is one of those questions that every one has a gut-level response to, but then if they are let to think about it for a few seconds it changes. Like the old bar question "MaryAnne or Ginger?"
If left to think about it, I shy away from the gut choice. I think about not being so concerned with what others think of me back in my school days. I wonder about having gotten into computing as a profession earlier on (I'd be rich now!) But the first thing that pops into my mind: losing my father when I was six. Given the choice, I would have somehow, some way managed to keep my father off that plane. I dont know how. But I would have. After thinking on that, the other choices become superficial. Honestly I dont grieve as I once did, but there is no denying the massive effect it had on my life and personality. I learned a deep, subconcious lesson at that moment that I have both embraced and fought all of my life: You cannot count on people other than yourself being "there" for you always. That's an ugly thing for a child to decide and embrace. So deep I didnt even realize it until I was in my thirties. This has caused me to keep people who love me at arms length. I have destroyed good friendships and romances that could have remained friendships because I was having trouble maintaining that distance and independence. Frequently I have withdrawn from circles of friends by finding an excuse to not like them anymore. It isnt all bad though. I also built a strong sense of independence. I take care of myself. I have for a long time. I have almost always been able to sense a scam being played on me because I hold my trust so dear.
So that is the one event I would change. but it isnt without its consequences. No choice is. it is impossible to do more than speculate wildly about how different a life would be with such a fundamental change. Would I have had my step-father enter my life? Most likely not, yet I admire and love him greatly. I wasnt an easy task for him to take on. Would I have been closer to my mother and brother? I hope so. Would I have married my wife, Paige and we had my son Max together? I cant even guess. That would be a large hole in my life, to be sure.
So it is a simple question, with no easy answer. A life is what it unfolds to be. That question does no more than offer maudlin speculation. Or does it? Knowing how that event affected me, I can act on the negative aspect of the behavior. Right?
posted by Z at
11:30 AM
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